Throwing a Muslim Wedding
Common Mistakes and Things to Avoid During the Planning Stages
Islam prescribes simple and dignified wedding ceremonies. Here are common mistakes that take the glow away from weddings!
A Muslim wedding is a simple and dignified occasion. It enjoins a man and a woman entitling them husband and wife, a new couple, who are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime together.
Though Prophet Muhammad taught his followers to keep weddings simple, the infringements of cultures upon Islamic teachings have led weddings to become extravagant events, gaudy and sometimes extremely pompous.
For the modern Muslim who looks beyond tradition, there are still several aspects to consider when planning a wedding in the Islamic faith. Here are some common traps to avoid falling into:
Spending too much money – This makes sense since weddings only last for one day and marriage is supposed to last forever. Therefore, instead of splurging to serve society’s expectations, save up to buy a house or go for Hajj together in the future.
The walimaa (wedding feast) is very much a recommended ceremony so a bit of money should be spent on a simple but generous meal in order to treat friends and family.
Expenses that are imposed by tradition rather than Islam provide debt and opportunity to rear its head. Popular traditions include the overdone bridal chamber; expensive presents from one spouse to the other; remuneration to the bride’s parents. Others would also be extravagant “thank you” goody bags for the guests, cans of new paint to repaint the house, the projector and slide show, the loud band and horrendous music; the customized dress-code for the entire extended family; multiple dinners and a lavish dais to show off the bride and groom.
Asking for too much Mahr – In Islam, the Mahr is the mandated gift from the groom to his wife. He presents it to her at the time of the nikah (solemnization of vows) or later, as agreed between them. The actual gift is also upon agreement between the two, and belongs to the bride alone. Should she decide to give away her present or share it with her spouse, she is entitled to do so.
The Mahr varies across cultures. It is not supposed to be a stipulated monetary amount, but is fast becoming the norm in Muslim countries. Though this is the right of the bride, Prophet Muhammad advised that the best bride requests for the smallest amount; even an iron ring would suffice as a Mahr. For obvious reasons, the lessor the amount, the less burden it would be on the groom. It would also curb materialistic wants that would overshadow the importance of love and respect within the marriage.
Not concentrating on the nikah – The nikah represents the simple solemnization of vows whereby the marriage contract is quickly enacted. Some traditions however decide to complicate the beautiful moment by imposing different types of activities that take away the glow of the nikah itself.
Not listening to the sermon – A short sermon is normally given by the imam (religious leader) during the nikah. The blessings of listening to the sermon are equal to the rewards of listening to a Friday prayer sermon. Besides, the sermon is a quick reminder of rights and responsibilities of the new couple towards one another. It acts as advice for some and a refreshment course for those in marital bliss.
Overdressing or underdressing the couple – It may sound unusual but Muslims sometimes forget that couples are to beautify themselves for each other and not for everyone else. That is applicable right after the nikah. It is important for the couple to appear presentable. However, presentation should not be traded in for modesty. Both should observe Hijab (the prescribed Muslim dress code) and behave in a modest manner too.
Serving non-permissible refreshments – Alcohol is prohibited at all times and so are a small number of edibles. Though alcoholic drinks are always associated with merriment and thus, weddings, a Muslim wedding should not serve alcohol as an alternative to orange juice.
Forgetting to invite the poor to the walimaa – The poor are the noble men and women in Islam, and not the rich and powerful, politicians, members of the royal family, bosses and / or sponsors. There is a great reward for inviting the poor, including orphans, to dine together as they need it more than the wealthy.
Allow free inter-mingling of the sexes – In general the two genders should be separated during weddings should there be dancing, singing and socializing. However if there are none of those and the walimaa is only limited to eating, both men and women should demonstrate appropriate behaviour according to Islamic teaching.
Letting it be a somber occasion – Abiding by Islamic principles does not mean a dull occasion; it means a simpler, dignified celebration. Weddings should be celebrated in happiness. Let there be dancing and singing, should the sexes be separated. If the celebration is for everyone, let children perform nasheed (Islamic songs) or have Qur’an reading. After all, it is the beginning of a life-time commitment called marriage.
